Navigating the journey of menstruation can often be a challenging experience for mothers and daughters alike. For some, the topic of periods can evoke feelings of embarrassment or discomfort, especially if the mother had her own struggles with menstruation growing up. It's not uncommon to feel uncertain about how to approach this important subject, but maintaining open communication is crucial in building a supportive relationship.
Connecting with your daughter about her period can transform this natural biological process into a shared experience that fosters understanding, empathy, and empowerment. Despite how daunting it may seem, initiating these conversations can create a safe and open environment, laying the groundwork for continued discussions as she navigates puberty and beyond.
In this blog post, we’ll explore six practical ways to engage with your daughter about her period. These strategies are designed to break down barriers, foster a sense of comfort, and encourage a deeper bond over the shared experience of menstruating and cycling. By keeping the lines of communication open and honest, you can help your daughter feel seen, supported, and well-informed as she embarks on this journey. Together, you can build an allyship that empowers both of you, strengthening your relationship during one of the most transformative phases of her life.
These ideas can be simple and spontaneous, or as detailed and elaborate as you like! Have fun putting your flare on them to suit both your interests and level of comfort.
1) Make A Full Moon Date.
This can range from looking at a Moon calendar, mapping it out with your family calendar, and discussing the moon cycle’s relationship to our energy, moods and menstrual patterns to simply checking when the next full moon (or new moon) is and making a date night out of it. Some ideas are a night hike, a night-time fire in the backyard, or just sitting on the porch together to look at the sky.
2) Be Curious and Listen.
I just love the saying “Be curious, not judgmental.” Genuine curiosity is an amazing way to connect. There is so much power in compassionate eye contact, full presence and gentle questions. “So how are you actually feeling about getting your first period love?” We also want to make sure our curiosity is not fueling another agenda and that it is related to your daughter’s experience and feelings. And that can be it for now. Asking how someone feels about something is a great “ice-breaker” to these vulnerable conversations.
We are so used to “fixing” things and giving advice, that we often shut down any chance of connection. If your daughter is feeling anxious or embarrassed, there is no shame in that and it’s perfectly normal. It will not be one big talk; it will be a thousand curious safe conversations.
3) Be Open About Your Menstrual Cycle Awareness
The hardest part of all this conscious parenting is that we are moving through the layers when our daughters are too. That is what makes it so potent. Do some reflecting on your relationship with your period, menstruation, and the stories that surround these themes. Model this compassionate curiosity and share your experience with your daughter if she is open to hearing it.
This can even be as simple as writing your cycle days on the family calendar and expressing your feelings, moods, and needs as you move through your cycle each day.
4) Take Care and Give Care
How do you take care of yourself when you bleed? Do you provide yourself (or prepare/request) nourishing meals; do you rest? Do you like heat on your womb…warm tea…soft music, and extra sleep? Model the gift of mothering yourself when you are bleeding. They will notice. We can also offer care by preparation for their first bleed and making sure their favourite period products are stocked up, or going shopping together for them. Pack a special period pouch with pads/tampons for their backpack.
I also feel so good when I provide some extra compassion and care for my girls when they are on their bleeds. This goes a long way. Bring them a heating pad and tea, or give them more grace on their chores, or an extra long snuggle if they want one. Model Red Tent values in your home. This is how we nourish these mother-daughter connections.
5) Share Music Medicine
Sending songs back and forth, or listening to music together is a fun way to connect over our cyclical nature in a safe, indirect way. Music is such a powerful way to feel a mood, emotion and of course inner season of your cycle. I have been collecting music for a long time now and curating special playlists that match each phase of the menstrual cycle. Make your own playlists with your daughter, or you can check them out on Spotify under Pretty River Red Tent. Or throw on the Inner Summer playlist when you are feeling energetic and ovulating and have a dance party together. Or of course, you can relax to the Inner Winter playlist while you are snuggling in bed together with your heating pad.
6) Mother-Daughter Book Club
I love having a book club with my girls. We get 2 copies of a book, and snuggle up on the couch together and read a chapter at a time and chat about it! Or you can just read together with no pressure to talk, or you can read one copy aloud. There are so many great options for exploring these topics of our cycles and learning together through a book and it really takes any pressure off! I highly recommend “Reaching for The Moon” by Lucy Pearce. It’s a beautiful, short read that is a great introduction to the Menstrual Cycle Awareness Practice for both Mum and Daughter.
I am no stranger to witnessing how hard it can be for some people to talk about periods, puberty, and our reproductive anatomy. I was there too.
One thing I know for sure is that accurate, safe, and consistent touchpoints for daughters and mothers around these topics will ease the uncertainty we feel. Body Literacy is a skill, and it also needs to be supported at home, over and over in more ways than one.
Nikki
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